Death Proof

Tarantino's 5th movie has many similarities to his first, the classic Reservoir Dogs. It is truly one of a kind, you will grimace and wince all the way through, you will have never seen anything like it and as it finishes you will be left with the same jaw-dropping disbelief. But... there is one slight difference. Death Proof is one of a kind because you will be hard pushed to summon to the front of your mind a movie this bad, you will grimace out of boredom or acute irritation and the disbelief you are left with is how you could willingly let a jumped up prick like Tarantino into your home to rob you of two hours of your life. They are precious two hours, you could pick your toe nails right down till they bleed, you could spend it watching Blair Witch 2 or reruns of Joey, anything would be more productive than this.

From start to finish this film is a fake, and I know that Tarantino has based his career on rip offs but that used to be a strength, clever and intelligent emulation of subversive genres was what he did best but he's really over stayed his welcome with Death Proof, like a friend who you let stay on your couch for one, maybe two great nights out but now you find has been there for years, eaten all your food, slept with your wife and is still telling the same boring jokes. The writing was on the wall after Kill Bill, another tired piece of self indulgence, but at least that seemed tongue-in-cheek enough to get away with it. Death Proof is like watching an A-level film class where the student sites Tarantino as his all-time favorite film maker ever in the whole world ever. It's like watching a bunch of semi-hot-but-not-really chics talking like a Tarantino character because he is, like, the best director in the whole history of directors in the whole world ever. It's like someone released the out-takes of Death Proof by mistake, the hours and hours of snappy, clever-as-my-fucking-arse-hair dialogue that was never used as it had nothing to do with anything. This is why the world invented editors.

I'm trying to describe in detail the shortcomings of this film to justify my hatred because after all, it's not enough to say you hate a piece of art without providing back up for your views but like a police officer or counselor trying to get details out of a trauma victim my mind is blank. I have no details in my head, just emotion, all consuming irritation. If I was to be mugged on my way home tonight, slugged in the gut and all my worldly possessions stolen I would still hobble away more satisfied than I felt after Death Proof. If I was to be in a car accident and all my memory erased except for the Police Academy movies I would consider myself blessed that the mighty Lord above didn't leave me with any recollection of Death Proof.

If anyone disagrees with my views on this film then I'm sorry but you're a brain dead moron who thinks Tarantino is, like, the best film maker in the whole history of film making in the whole world ever. We have a comments facility on this site so if you want a fight then step up bitch.