Star Status: Michael Caine

The whole star status formula was concocted one evening in the pub following a discussion about the patchy career of messrs Connory and Caine. Connery has a career so patchy he only scored a 28.8% hit rate, while Michael Caine's career is so schizophrenic that he couldn't collect his Oscar for Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters, as he was busy filming Jaws IV: The Revenge. A low in the entire pantheon of cinema, not just one man's career.

So, how does Michael Caine (A.K.A. Sir Maurice Joseph Micklewhite Jr.) rate in the Chimpomatic Star Status Movie Maths Generator?

It's 10 points for a Hit, 5 for a Maybe and 1 for a Miss... No TV movies, just cinema releases to date.

In the spirit of full disclosure I should also tell you that I've been a little presumptuous and started the count with Zulu (1964), as prior to that it's a barrage of uncredited roles and TV bit parts. As he's a man with 139 credits on his IMDB page, there's plenty I haven't seen, for which I've taken some advice from the often over-generous IMDB ratings.

Is There Anybody There? (2008) - MAYBE
The Dark Knight (2008) .... Alfred Pennyworth - HIT
Sleuth (2007) .... Andrew - MISS
Flawless (2007) .... Mr. Hobbs - MAYBE
The Prestige (2006) .... Cutter - MAYBE
Children of Men (2006) .... Jasper - HIT
The Weather Man (2005) .... Robert Spritzel - MAYBE
Bewitched (2005) .... Nigel Bigelow - MISS
Batman Begins (2005) .... Alfred  - HIT
Around the Bend (2004) .... Henry Lair - HIT
The Statement (2003) .... Pierre Brossard - MAYBE
Secondhand Lions (2003) .... Garth - HIT
The Actors (2003) .... Anthony O'Malley - MAYBE
Quicksand (2003) .... Jake Mellows - MISS
The Quiet American (2002) .... Thomas Fowler - HIT
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) .... Nigel Powers - MAYBE
Last Orders (2001) .... Jack - HIT
Miss Congeniality (2000) .... Victor Melling - MAAAAYBE
Get Carter (2000) .... Cliff Brumby - MISS
Shiner (2000) .... Billy 'Shiner' Simpson - MAYBE
Quills (2000) .... Dr. Royer-Collard - HIT
The Debtors (1999) - MISS
The Cider House Rules (1999) .... Dr. Wilbur Larch - HIT
Curtain Call (1999) .... Max Gale - MISS
Little Voice (1998) .... Ray Say - HIT
Shadow Run (1998) .... Haskell - MISS
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1997/II) (TV) .... Captain Nemo - MISS
Mandela and de Klerk (1997) (TV) .... F.W. de Klerk - MAYBE
Midnight in Saint Petersburg (1996) .... Harry Palmer - MISS
Blood and Wine (1996) .... Victor 'Vic' Spansky - MAYBE
Bullet to Beijing (1995) .... Harry Palmer - MISS
World War II: When Lions Roared (1994) (TV) .... Joseph V. Stalin - MAYBE
On Deadly Ground (1994) .... Michael Jennings - MISS
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) .... Ebenezer Scrooge - HIT
Blue Ice (1992) .... Harry Anders - MISS
Noises Off... (1992) .... Lloyd Fellowes - MAYBE
Bullseye! (1990) .... Sidney Lipton/Doctor Hicklar - MISS
Mr. Destiny (1990) .... Mike/Mr. Destiny - MISS
A Shock to the System (1990) .... Graham Marshall - MISS
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) .... Lawrence Jamieson - MAYBE
Without a Clue (1988) .... Sherlock Holmes - MAYBE
Surrender (1987) .... Sean Stein - MISS
Jaws: The Revenge (1987) .... Hoagie Newcombe - MIIIIISSSSSSS!
The Whistle Blower (1987) .... Frank Jones - MISS
The Fourth Protocol (1987) .... John Preston - MAYBE
Half Moon Street (1986) .... Lord Sam Bulbeck - MISS
Mona Lisa (1986) .... Mortwell - HIT
Sweet Liberty (1986) .... Elliott James - MISS
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) .... Elliot - HIT
The Holcroft Covenant (1985) .... Noel Holcroft - MISS
Water (1985/I) .... Governor Baxter Thwaites  - MISS
Blame It on Rio (1984) .... Matthew Hollins - MISS
The Honorary Consul (1983) .... Charley Fortnum, Consul - MISS
Educating Rita (1983) .... Dr. Frank Bryant - HIT
The Jigsaw Man (1983) .... Philip Kimberly/Sergei Kuzminsky - MISS
Deathtrap (1982) .... Sidney Bruhl - MISS
Escape To Victory (1981) .... Capt. John Colby - HIT
The Hand (1981) .... Jonathan Lansdale - MISS
The Island (1980) .... Blair Maynard - MISS
Dressed to Kill (1980) .... Doctor Robert Elliott - MAYBE
Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979) .... Captain Mike Turner - MISS
Ashanti (1979) .... Dr. David Linderby - MISS
California Suite (1978) .... Sidney Cochran - MAYBE
The Swarm (1978) .... Dr. Bradford Crane - MISS
Silver Bears (1978) .... Doc Fletcher - MISS
A Bridge Too Far (1977) .... Lt. Col. John O.E. Vandeleur - HIT
The Eagle Has Landed (1976) .... Colonel Steiner - HIT
Harry and Walter Go to New York (1976) .... Adam Worth - MISS
The Man Who Would Be King (1975) .... Peachy Carnehan - HIT
The Romantic Englishwoman (1975) .... Lewis Fielding - MISS
The Wilby Conspiracy (1975) .... Jim Keogh - MISS
Peeper (1975) .... Leslie C. Tucker - MISS
The Black Windmill (1974) .... Maj. John Tarrant - MISS
Sleuth (1972) .... Milo Tindle - HIT
Pulp (1972) .... Mickey King - MAYBE
Zee and Co. (1972) .... Robert Blakeley - MISS 
Kidnapped (1971) .... Alan Breck - MAYBE
Get Carter (1971) .... Jack Carter - HIT
The Last Valley (1970) .... The Captain - HIT
Too Late the Hero (1970) .... Pvt. Tosh Hearne - MAYBE
Battle of Britain (1969) .... Squadron Leader Canfield - HIT
The Italian Job (1969) .... Charlie Croker - HIT
The Magus (1968) .... Nicholas Urfe - MISS
Deadfall (1968) .... Henry Stuart Clarke - MISS
Play Dirty (1968) .... Capt. Douglas - MISS
Billion Dollar Brain (1967) .... Harry Palmer - MISS
Woman Times Seven (1967) .... Handsome Stranger (segment "Snow") - MISS
Hurry Sundown (1967) .... Henry Warren - MISS
Funeral in Berlin (1966) .... Harry Palmer - HIT
Gambit (1966) .... Harry Tristan Dean - HIT
The Wrong Box (1966) .... Michael Finsbury - MAYBE
Alfie (1966) .... Alfie Elkins - HIT
The Ipcress File (1965) .... Harry Palmer - HIT
Zulu (1964) .... Lieutenant Gonville Bromhead - HIT

HIT 28
MISS 22
MAYBE 44

So that's a generous 434 points out of a possible whopping 940.

Michael Caine: you have scored 46.1%

If you dare make a purchase, you can do so here, allowing Chimpomatic to profit from his loss. Check back soon for more Star Status movie maths. Same Chimp Channel, same Chimp Time...