Chimpomatic

Down Terrace

Suburban crime drama that strays a little too close to 'Stella Street'.

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28th Aug 2013

Elysium

Human USB stick Matt Damon tries to reach Jodie Foster's satellite paradise with routine shoot-out results.

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25th Aug 2013

What To Expect When You're Expecting

I hope you're not expecting car chases and shoot outs.

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24th Aug 2013

Valhalla Rising

Pretentious, drawn out Viking odyssey from N Winding Refn, that takes a long time to not say much.

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20th Aug 2013

Kick Ass 2

A wonky tone, sleazy gags and a plot that pushes Chloe Moretz to be more Miss than Hit takes the fun out.

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12th Aug 2013

Savages

Promising drama, directed to within an inch of its life by the ever-subtle hand of Oliver Stone.

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9th Aug 2013

The Place Beyond The Pines

Pretentious, self important indie epic with a few decent moments.

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6th Aug 2013

Bad Boys II

Prototype Bayhem pic, unrestrained by the tediums of actually reality that hamstringed Pearl Harbour.

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29th Jun 2013

Whiteout

Unsatisfying Antarctic murder-mystery, that wastes a great premise.

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24th Jun 2013

Premium Rush

Fixie courier thriller that works, despite veering perilously close to BMX Bandits territory.

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15th Jun 2013

2 Days In New York

Noisy, amateurish comedy that occasionally manages to be charming.

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3rd Jun 2013

Girl Most Likely

Kristen Wiig, Annette Bening & Matt Dillon wasted in an unlikely string of misfired life crisis gags.

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30th May 2013

The Double

Bog-standard predictably tricksy spy thriller. Richard Gere in neutral.

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10th May 2013

The Aviator

Solid, but totally unremarkable Brit relationship weepy.

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5th May 2013

Having You

Solid, but totally unremarkable Brit relationship weepy.

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4th May 2013

Flashbacks of a Fool

Stylish but unnecessarily drawn out faded movie star film. Should have ditched the flashbacks.

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14th Apr 2013

Rock of Ages

Nostalgic music choices, but yes - it is an actual musical.

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6th Apr 2013

On the Beach

Atmospheric, somber, slow-burning, post-apocalyptic drama that fails to ignite.

Halliwell says: Gloomy prophecy which works well in spasms but is generally too content to chat rather than imagine. A solid prestige job nevertheless.**

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6th Apr 2013

Lockout

Hideously mis-cast, B-grade Euro-blockbuster, with Luc Besson's sticky fingers all over it.

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4th Apr 2013

Ill Manors

Well-handled urban crime drama, that deals with the same old boring cliches.

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3rd Apr 2013

American Psycho

Overblown, vacuous satire that is hampered further by Christian Bale's near-slapstick performance.

Halliwell says: A daft, elegant portrait of a self-obsessed, fashionable, design-conscious man descending into psychosis as a result of his obsessions.**

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25th Mar 2013

The Omega Man

Charlton Heston cruises an empty NYC by day, dodges albino mutants by night. Good start, lacks tension.

Halliwell says: "Realistic" version of a novel which was about vampires taking over, and was previously filmed unsatisfactorily as The Last Man On Earth. This nasty version rises to a few good action sequences but is bogged down by talk in between.*

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24th Mar 2013

On The Beach

Cary Grant and Ava Gardner wait months for lethal atomic radiation to arrive down under. Apocalypse slow.

Halliwell says: Gloomy prophecy which works well in spasms but is generally too content to chat rather than imagine. A solid prestige job nevertheless.**

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23rd Mar 2013

Any Given Sunday

Glitzy, predictable NFL movie that wishes it had Michael Mann in charge instead of Oliver Stone.

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14th Mar 2013

Houdini

Tony Curtis gets a wriggle on in this short, functional, not particularly magical biopic.

Halliwell says: Superficial biopic with more attention to romance than to interesting detail. Some zest in the playing is killed by claustrophobic studio sets.*

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7th Mar 2013

The Decline of Western Civilization

Essential, but hilariously dated state-of-the-union doc of LA's 80s punk scene.

Halliwell says: Quirky and fascinating study of some of the unlovelier aspects of youthful rebellion; it makes an interesting companion piece to the director's first feature film, Suburbia.*

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28th Feb 2013

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Pretentious, self consciously quirky Oscarbait that strangely fails to connect.

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17th Feb 2013

Avengers Assemble

Shallow, unmotivated superhero ensemble with the occasional thrill.

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16th Feb 2013

The Iron Lady

Kaleidoscopic, meandering wander down a well trodden path of Mrs Thatcher anecdotes and impressions.

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9th Feb 2013

Unknown

Taken, with a dash of Total Recall in Liam Neeson's amnesiac thriller.

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28th Jan 2013

Dark City

Self-important Matrix precursor - equally full of faux philosophical mumbo jumbo.

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8th Jan 2013

Valley Girl

Influential teen-punk-rock-angst movie template. High on cred, low on plot.

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31st Dec 2012

Foul Play

Chevy almost plays it straight in this late 70s comedy-thriller, while Goldie Hawn does the screwball.

Halliwell says: Sometimes sprightly, sometimes tired rehash of Hitchcock elements, rather on the level of the similar Silver Streak.*

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28th Dec 2012

Jack Irish

Utterly derivative, but still entertaining PI series - with Guy Pearce doing an Aussie version of Wallander.

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20th Dec 2012

The Final Countdown

Underdeveloped time-travel flick that pits an 80s aircraft carrier against the 40s Japanese.

Halliwell says: Quite an enjoyable bit of schoolboy science fiction, but containing no more body than an episode of Twilight Zone. The ending, as so often, is impenetrable.*

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21st Nov 2012

Alien Nation

Dated, but not unsuccessful, attempt to mash up buddy-cop and sci-fi tropes.

Halliwell says: What begins as an interestingly oblique look at the problem of racism soon turns into a lacklustre action movie.

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16th Nov 2012

War Horse

Plodding, formless WWII drama with Spielberg in full schmaltz mode. Blackadder IV meets Black Beauty.

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10th Nov 2012

Paranoid Park

Gus Van Sant's skateboard / whodunnit mash up meanders aimlessly, pretending 'Kids' never happened.

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30th Oct 2012

The 40 Yr Old Virgin

Prototype @JuddApatow movie without the LOLs of Knocked Up or the confidence of Funny People.

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25th Oct 2012

Horrible Bosses

Generic retread of Strangers On A Train as 3 schlubs toy with murder to improve their work lives.

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14th Oct 2012

The Thing

Unadventurous, shapeless reboot of an over-rated gross-out b-movie. About as interesting as AVP.

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14th Oct 2012

My Week With Marilyn

B-list studded meander through Marilyn's time in Britain, shooting with Larry Olivier.

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6th Oct 2012

Killing Them Softly

Disappointingly drawn out, pretentious thriller that would have made a decent short film.

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27th Sep 2012

Killer Elite

Clunky, confused actioner that can't decide which wasted star is the protagonist.

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19th Aug 2012

Edge of Darkness

A promising story quickly plummets into dullness with a cookie cutter performance from Mel Gibson.

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14th Aug 2012

The Debt

Well-meaning but dull Nazi-hunting political actioner from John Madden.

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2nd Aug 2012

Strawberry Fields

Low-key indie Brit flick, with two sisters strained relationship impacting summer fruit picking.

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10th Jul 2012

Repeaters

Rehab kids find themselves in Groundhog Day chance to make amends w past. OK B-movie execution of the idea.

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8th Jul 2012

Prometheus

(dir. Ridley Scott)

20th Century Fox

SPOILER ALERT: now in space no-one can hear you ... over the sound of that BOOMING soundtrack. 

(check the comments section for the rest of this SPOILERISH review as we can't be bothered to install any of that invisotext code here) 

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31st May 2012 - 1 comments - Add Comment - Tweet

Love And Other Impossible Pursuits

Effective weepy as Natalie Portman deals with the pains of the modern family.

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29th May 2012