Chimpomatic

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Diminishing returns for those damn dirty apes, with none of the humanity of ROTPOTA.

#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

13th Nov 2014

Big Sur

Stiff, lifeless, disengaging Kerouac adaption, complete with bad wigs. And only 81 mins long.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

15th Sep 2014

Magic Magic

Foreboding, tedious US-enhanced Chilean psycho thriller that's decidedly half-baked in the thrills dept.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

5th Sep 2014

Decoding Annie Parker

A powerful subject neutered by a shoddy script, poor direction and diabolical photography.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

31st Aug 2014

Parker

Forgettable take on the well worn character, blending him seamlessly into Statham's narrow character database.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

28th Aug 2014

Behind the Candelabra

Damon and Douglas raid the dressing up box for Soderbergh's unrevealing Liberace biopic.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

28th Aug 2014

Locke

Pretentious, boring gimmick movie that unfolds like a tedious, drunken anecdote in a joke Welsh accent.

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#CSF

9th Aug 2014

The Lady In The Lake

Glacially paced Raymond Chandler mystery, hampered immensely by the peep show camera style.

Halliwell says: Complex private eye yarn which makes the original Chandler dialogue sound childish by over-reliance on the subjective camera method: we see the hero's face only when he looks in a mirror. An experiment that failed because it was not really understood.*

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#CSF
#Halliwell

8th Aug 2014

Sorcerer

Dull 'existential' 70s remake of tight 50s classic. Friedkin remains one of the most over-rated directors.

Halliwell says: Why anyone should have wanted to spend $20 million on a remake of The Wages Of Fear, do it badly, and give it a misleading title is anybody's guess. The result is dire.

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#CSF
#Halliwell

30th Jul 2014

Now You See Me

A total car crash of a script, held together by smoke and mirrors.

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#CSF

7th Jul 2014

Laurel Canyon

Pretentious, cliche ridden meander through life and music - weighted by several leaden performances.

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#CSF

27th May 2014

Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit

Convoluted, utterly unmemorable threeboot, with a dull Chris Pine and a Branagh double dip.

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#CSF

27th May 2014

Anchorman 2 The Legend Continues

Tired, overlong reup from Ferrell and the gang that makes the first feel sophisticated.

#Screened
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#chimp71

21st May 2014

Stand Up Guys

Aimless OAP gangster antics with Pacino and Walken wandering around for a bit.

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#chimp71

6th Apr 2014

The Bling Ring

Promising modern fable, rendered as superficial and one dimensional as its subject.

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#CSF

30th Mar 2014

The Numbers Station

By the numbers small scale CIA drama. Cusack phones it in.

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#CSF

7th Feb 2014

Welcome to the Punch

Cliche ridden UK crime thriller that plays out like Heat written by the EastEnders staff.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

7th Feb 2014

Man of Steel

Riddick meets LOTR as Zack Snyder cements his position as the most overrated director of his generation.

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#CSF

16th Jan 2014

Iron Man 3

Dismal CGI superhero farce, with crystal twiddler Robert Downey Jnr turned up to eleven.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

28th Dec 2013

The Hobbit

An Unexpected Journey

Zero tension as this near real-time prequel sets the pace. Goonies x Big Brother.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

19th Nov 2013

Pacific Rim

Disappointingly vacuous, badly cast, tension-free monsters vs robots nonsense. GDT should know better.

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#CSF

14th Nov 2013

Shifty

Shoddy, uninspired and underwhelming Brit indie flick.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

21st Sep 2013

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Dull, formulaic comedy ...lacking in magic.

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#CSF

6th Aug 2013

Olympus Has Fallen

Lumpy action pic, with Gerard Butler playing 'Die Hard Goes To Washington'.

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#CSF

6th Aug 2013

Dredd

Dismal $45m fan-fiction turkey. Poorly written, shot, directed and acted.

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#CSF

19th Jul 2013

The Great Gatsby

Cold, empty adaptation with a few good Leo & Carey moments in a wash of flashy mega-trailer set pieces.

#Screened
#Film
#chimp71

23rd May 2013

Heli

Boring, drawn out drug cartel anecdote, with occasional ultra-violence.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

18th May 2013

Prometheus

Shoddy prequel that leaves less unanswered questions on second viewing and a bigger sense of vacuousness.

#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

11th May 2013

The Raid

If you like never-ending punch-ups, you'll love this.

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#CSF

7th May 2013

Ted

Base humour. Wahlberg should know better. Even the funny bits from the trailer were drawn out here.

#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

6th May 2013

Emmanuel and the Truth About Fishes

Mis-cast drama, with a touch of horror and a serious case of student filmitis.

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#CSF

26th Apr 2013

The Five Year Engagement

Lazy Hollywood dross that telegraphs its every move and hides no surprises.

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#CSF

21st Apr 2013

Last Days

Unrevealing, uninvolving, dull meander through the last days of a Kurt Cobain-esque grunge star.

#JustWatched
#Film
#CSF

23rd Mar 2013

Battleship

Independence Day meets Pearl Harbour, in one of the best movies-based-on-a-toy ever.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

23rd Feb 2013

Wanderlust

Anaemic hippie comedy, with a sub-par turn out from that Paul Rudd that we like.

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#CSF

2nd Feb 2013

The Dictator

Ali G delivers this generations 'Coming To America'. You'll be embarrassed to find yourself laughing.

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#CSF

1st Feb 2013

The Meteor

Disappointingly unambitious French-Canadian experimental drama. More experiments please.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

20th Jan 2013

2046

Incomprehensible, semi-futuristic rehash from Wong Kar Wai, who is seemingly out of fresh ideas and fading fast.

#JustWatched
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#CSF

29th Dec 2012

The Watch

More loose dudecom antics, Richard Ayaode joins Stiller/Hill/Vaughan on suburban neighbourhood patrol.

#Screened
#Film
#chimp71

23rd Dec 2012

In Time

Clunky, clumsy, convoluted sci-fi from Andrew Niccol. Re-treading his usual themes.

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#CSF

16th Nov 2012

Act of Valor

Exciting first-person action can't trump a crass plot, appalling script and diabolical non-actor leads.

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#CSF

11th Nov 2012

Jumper

Teleporter playboy Hayden Christensen zips from pyramids to Tokyo, chased by a blond Sam Jackson. Fun idea, flat.

#Screened
#Film
#chimp71

15th Oct 2012

The Cabin In The Woods

Silly post-modern mash-up of Scooby Doo and The Truman Show. Wears thin pretty quickly.

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#CSF

24th Sep 2012

Band of Horses

Mirage Rock

12 new BoH songs of between 3 and 4 minutes in length. And the variety ends there. It's like a contractually-obliged, post-plane cash Skynerd album.

#OnRotation
#Music

17th Sep 2012

Welcome to the Rileys

Contrived, downbeat melodrama from Ridley Scott Jnr.

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#CSF

22nd Jul 2012

Cowboys & Aliens

Bond and Indy can't rescue this sci-fi western mashup from the Temple Of Dull.

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#chimp71

14th Jul 2012

Green Lantern

Expensive, often hilariously naff B-movie about a C-list superhero. Bomb.

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#CSF

8th Jul 2012

Priest

Almost wilfully generic post-apocalypse sci-fi horror western. Warrior priest Paul Bettany v vampires w Maggie Q.

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#chimp71

8th Jul 2012

Prometheus

Shapeless script and shoddy direction add up to make this Ridley Scott's 'Attack of the Clones'. Woeful.

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#CSF

14th Jun 2012